50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU’RE AN « ASIAN »
1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance.
3. You have more than one-college degree, especially more than one Master’s.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don’t use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You’re a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. You don’t dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full.
26. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
29. You hate to waste food:
a) Even if you’re totally full, if someone says they’re going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you’ll finish them.
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
30. You don’t own any real Tupperware – only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to McDonald’s.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. When you go to a dance party, there is a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/apt. is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
40. Your Mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if Safeway is next door.
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents.
42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends.
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say hi.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning.
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. You’ve joined a CD club at least once.
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends
